Hell called. They want their spawn back.

Hey, everybody! Wanna see the scorecard for my DSS's mom for the week? I knew you would!

(and it’s Wednesday):

DSS’s Mom:

• Forgot to wake him up in time for Saturday’s football practice
• Did not attend or call about DSS’s soccer game Saturday afternoon
• Missed over half of DSS’s football game on Sunday
• Gushed over new boyfriend instead of talking to DSS about his game afterwards
• Was “busy” after DSS’s football game and wanted DSS to stay an extra night with us on her weekend
• Was not awake Monday morning when I dropped him off for school and DSS and I waited in the rain for 30 minutes until we managed to wake her up.
• Had a “sleep-over buddy” Monday morning as evidenced by his vehicle in her driveway, parked in front of her vehicle
• Neglected to relay message that doctor appointment we were taking DSS to had been cancelled on Tuesday
• Is a boil on the butt of humanity and to moms everywhere

DSS: dear/darling step-son

DH: dear/darling husband

SOS: spawn of satan

Oh, and by the way, yes I tend to get snarky and sarcastic when seriously annoyed.

Deep breath. Ohm. Much better now, thank you.

Of the Godfather and Red Dresses at Funerals

(Red dress at funeral: Moonstruck)

Well, I’ve just been hit with a hum-dinger. A person in my professional life (the money- making one) just quit. I work in the financial industry, so it seems whenever this happens, it’s as if that person has died. Or, more accurately, that person is dead to my department. Really, this is the second time I’ve observed this and it seems more and more like the Godfather movie.

I have really mixed feelings about this. First, the guy who left was my “problem child,” a real Last-Minute Charlie. Everything had to be done either right away or yesterday. Drove me nucking futz. On the other hand, he was six months younger than me, had his decent moments, and actually had a sense of humor. He was seriously delinquent on the donut runs though. I don’t know. I feel torn between doing a Snoopy happy dance and treating like the death in the family I know it is. Of course the red dress at the funeral is still up for grabs. You just never know how things will shake down in my head.

Hello, my name is Indigo Montoya ...

From the Princess Bride.

Love the movie. My sisters and I all have a copy on DVD and it is one of our "sick movies," as in we pull it out when we are sick and need a pick me up.

The LaPorte County Library was awesome while I was growing up. It had great movies and a great CD collection. (Of course, the books were great too.) That's where I first discovered The Princess Bride. I think we rented it a kazillion times before we broke down and bought it.

When our tape died (yes, it was pre-DVD), I went on a quest of sorts to find a replacement. No one had it in stock. Fewer people knew what it was. I wound up in South Bend at Media Play (about and hour away) and asked the video guy if he had it in stock. Nope. I asked if I could order it. He brought up the catalog to check. He looked at me and told me it sounded familiar and gave me a few plot points. Eureka! Someone else knew it! A co-worker came up and asked what movie we were looking for. Turns out he knew it too. Before I knew it, the two of them are acting out the poison scene with "it's one of the classic blunders" and "ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha-- (thunk)". The two of them were laughing uproariously (it was pretty funny) and having a grand ol' time with it. One said, "That was a great movie!" The other looked back at the catalog and said, "Oh man. It's out of print." I left the store feeling like I'd just ruined both their days.

No movie, but I did get a floor show.

I hate it when they re-release a movie on DVD several times. I love the behind the scenes stuff as much as the next movie maniac, but come on. Now there is an anniversary edition of the Princess Bride that I am going to have to buy - it has extras the original doesn't. And don't get me started on the Star Wars re-re-releases. There is another ALREADY SCHEDULED for all six episodes. How many times can you kick a dead horse? I've heard of a movie making one's career, but sheesh. George Lucas, I love ya, but even I am thinking it's time to put it to bed.

*spit take*

A spit take is something so funny or unexpected that it causes you to spit out whatever beverage you have in your mouth in a fine mist. It is similar to shooting shooting said beverage out your nose.

My DSS (dear step son) doesn't care for school. But when his tutor calls and leaves the message, "He has a school project due this week, and his homework seems to get done when he's at your house," what do you do?

Yes, I spent the weekend trying to figure out a 4th grade science project. It was on the human brain. I'm not sure, but I think I ended up donating mine at the end there.

Seriously, I have got to learn the fast and easy route. We used foam, some plaster wrap that looked like we should be setting broken limbs, paint, twist ties, water, heavy duty wire, pipe cleaners, and a doll stand. It took ALL WEEKEND.

On the positive side, he told me (as DH was snoozing for four hours while we trudged our way through this project) that this was the best school project ever. Maybe he wanted to do a mini-brain for fun. Or donate his to the classroom as an example. Or -- and this is my favorite -- construct a skull to go around the brain, complete with blood and guts. I don't even want to know what he wants to use for blood and guts.

Well, gee. As long as he learned something.

Thankfully I have a few years before he can take Biology and wants to dissect frogs.

Creatures of the Night

And Non-Wallbangers

I just finished Danse Macabre by Laurell Hamilton (see http://www.laurellkhamilton.org). This novel defies description. I can’t even put into words what I liked about it because I know it will come out all wrong. The novel sucked me in and would not let me go until I finished the last page. And what a finale. I wasn’t looking for it and suddenly there it was. It is one of those novels I will probably obsess about until I can put some time and distance between it an me.

It was magic. Pure magic. And a keeper. I’m eager to see what Anita and the gang will be up to next.

The difference between this novel and the wallbanger is that one is dark and violent, but the sex scenes are appropriate within the context of the character. There is still a layer of passion beneath. And when someone crosses the line, there is a price to pay. The heroine is strong, but not to the point you question her humanity. She is the Executioner, and yet there is a baby scare and all the too-human emotions that go along with that. I think one of the things I loved best about this novel was that Anita got back a lot of her humanity in learning she could lean on those she has surrounded herself with for strength. You just don’t get to be that strong without a pretty serious support network around you.

I wish I could tell what I love about the dark side. It's not something for me to embrace, although I believe it is out there. You cannot have good without evil. What is that quote from "The Usual Suspects?" The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was to convince people he didn't exist (or something to that effect). There is a story that I keep mulling around in my head. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't influenced in some way by Buffy, Charmed and Anita Blake. It's about a group of supernaturals: a witch, a shape shifter, a psychic, a vampire and an angel. Kinda like a dark Justice League. Together they navigate the pitfalls of the both good and evil, and the overall theme is Redemption.

I spend a lot of time listening to Evanescence's "Fallen." The track called "Tourniquet" gives me a mini-movie into the heroine's quest for redemption. She has fallen, but is compelled to right the wrongs around her. And maybe, just maybe she can even the scales for her soul.

Whoa. That was deep, especially for me. The story is there. I just need to make it happen.

Wallbangers

Wallbangers
As defined at http://www.jennycrusie.com/cherries.php: books that are so bad they cannot merely be discarded but must be thrown against a wall with great force.

I picked up a book from the library the other day (I’m poor. If I like it enough to read again, I’ll buy it.) In the book’s defense, I was (notice the past tense) actually enjoying the book until I got to the first love scene. Now, I am not really a prude, not even a closet prude. I love well-written love scenes. A well-written scene will advance the plot, advance the emotional level of the story and cause you to either grab some chocolate or your sweetie.

Unfortunately, I read this one over breakfast and all I could think was, “What were you thinking?” Did not start the day on a good note, let me tell you.

The scene not only struck me as wholly unromantic, but smacked of rape. These are alpha males we are talking about, but the hero is never alpha to the point that he becomes a villain. As of that scene, he is no longer the noble protector that would do anything for his lady love. Because now in my head, he just did the unthinkable.

The heroine said no, several times in fact. She fought and did everything she should have to make him stop and he didn’t. And at the end of the act she thought she might be in love with him.

Aack.

Violence and rape is a real hot button with me. I saw The Accused when I was in college, and it emotionally scarred me. It gave me nightmares for years. It was an excellent movie, but not one I will ever watch again. If there is a scene on TV or in a movie, I have to leave the room. If I don’t, the images are burned in my mind’s eye and I see it over and over again. I watch movies to escape or be entertained, not cause me to look up a therapist.

I bullied my way to the second love scene of the book, but my interest is gone now. The hero is no more a hero. He is well, creepy.

The really sad thing is this was an author I thought I actually liked. It has been a while since I’d read anything of hers and the premise sounded light and romantic.

Since the book has officially banged off my wall, it will be long time before I dare pick up another one of her books, if ever.

The Longest Yard

... is apparently the distance between DSS's practice field and the car.

Yeah, I get it. It's sports. They are good for you. It's football and the kids get to get dirty. Practices are for 90 minutes to 1 hour 3 nights a week, plus 2 hours on Saturday and games on every Sunday.

He's 10.

And soccer season barely started so we're doing that too. Naturally, DH's ex is busy. Right. Like she's any busier that two people working full time. She doesn't work. That said, many people would jump to her defense, saying being a stay-at-home mom is a full time job. True in many cases, just not hers.

You would not believe the hole I just bit in my tongue just now to stop where I did.

Comedian Emo Phillips has a joke I am immensely fond of. It's about his exwife having lessons with the devil on Tuesday nights. And he didn't know what else she could teach him.

Oh, did I just change the subject just then? Hmm ...