Oh ye of little faith ...

See? I posted twice this month. Sadly, I'm too pooped to come up with anything brilliant,so you may have to amuse yourselves.

It's candle selling season, folks!

No, I really do live.

Ok, sorry for dropping off the face of the earth. No internet for nearly a year will do that.

I now have internet at home, instead of just on my phone. Much better.

I'll try to do better about posting now.

I Live

Hi there everyone.

No I didn't fall off the end of the earth. I just moved to a place where it's taken me two months to find out who offers internet service. I should be up and blogging again in a week or two.

And I love my new house!

Don't worry CBs! I'm trying to make my way back to you!

Day 7

I spent three hours of yesterday with the house inspector going over the house. As far as I know, there are just a few minor things (an ungrounded outlet here, no safety cable on the garage door there) and a wee bit of mold in the crawlspace. Hopefully we can convince the owner to take care of these and we'll be on our way.

Observation: After spending three hours in my new home-to-be I decided that I hated the knobs on the cabinets. Then I added up all the knobs we'd have to replace: 37. Maybe they're not so bad anyway.

Also, the main bathroom has this funky brick wall treatment. I love the colors, but after pondering this for a while I decided it made me feel like I was taking a leak in an upscale-yet-still-seedy alley. Hmm.

Time will tell, right?

Buying a House - Day 4

Okay, so I've already skipped days 1 through 3. I've been in a daze.

My darling husband, almost on a whim, decided he wanted to see if we could buy a house. You see, we currently rent, and the whole bit about not putting nails in the walls or painting with color is getting really old. We even managed to have a previous landlord who was certifiably insane.

Then the news about the housing market got really bad. The houses in our area are not really moving well, and as time went on, things didn't look promising.

Then we got the email. Yes, in the technological world we live in, we couldn't wait for a call and got the email first.

Back to the email: We were approved for financing. Our realtor, staying on top of the situation, knew nearly as soon as we did, thanks to email. She contacted the agent listing a house we'd looked at and it was still available. We took a second walk through and made an offer.

Thirty minutes later, we got the call that the owner wanted to counter offer, with only a $500 difference. Considering I was expecting the worst and am the world's worst negotiator, I had to ask our realtor this several times. We accepted, and now we are in the process of hiring an inspector to make sure the beauty of the place is more than paint deep.

Excuse me while I hyperventilate.

Have I said "Eek!" yet?

Let's Have a Roast

Or not.

I was watching a roast on Comedy Central last night and I was struck by the fact it was the second such one that I've seen that was overwhelmingly not funny.

Apparently my brain took this as a sign to suddenly get creative after its long creative hiatus.

So now I present to you, me* at a roast.

*****************************************************

(Applause)

Thank you, everyone. And good evening. Or at least I still have hope. The night is young.

I want to tell you what an honor it is to be asked to X's roast. To be honest, I was quite stunned to be invited. I don't like roasts anymore. There's never enough carrots and potatoes.

Somewhere along the way, roasts have gone horrible awry. Instead of a joyous celebration of a friend's accomplishments, roasts now give me that uncomfortable feeling, like I've walked into someone else's gynecological exam.

While X is a funny human being, X has horrible taste in friends. Myself excluded.
My illustrious colleagues that have come before me, your accomplishments in the field are well documented. Some more in the police blotter than others. Imagine my joy at the comments about A's weight, B's not-so-handsome face, and C's illegal activities. There is nothing quite like a night like this to make you want to go home and kill yourself.

So in contrast, I shall not disparage those here tonight. But the ones who lamely skipped out ... I guess will never know. Unless they check YouTube.

To all of you who share this stage with me, do not fret if you feel that cold sweat of fear. You should be afraid. I've outed you all to your mothers. They are all awaiting you backstage with bars of soap. And not one of them wants to be kissed by that mouth.

Thank you, and good night.

Who Is Murphy, And Why Is He On My Vacation?

Pfbt. Murphy is an optimist.

Lost job due to someone else's criminal activity.
Timing belt in car broke while on way to parent's house 3 states away.
Transmission went out in car on way back home after getting timing belt fixed.
DSS's fish jumped out of tank while we were gone. (He was too big to flush too.)

Good News:
At least is wasn't health related issues during the vacation.
MIL works for Doubleday and got me a whole bag of books for free.
More time with the dogs.
Sleep!
Still have the candle store.
Candle store manager threatened to sabotage my references so she could keep me to herself.
DH is being awesome about everything.

Looks like my list is leaning towards the positive!