*spit take*

A spit take is something so funny or unexpected that it causes you to spit out whatever beverage you have in your mouth in a fine mist. It is similar to shooting shooting said beverage out your nose.

My DSS (dear step son) doesn't care for school. But when his tutor calls and leaves the message, "He has a school project due this week, and his homework seems to get done when he's at your house," what do you do?

Yes, I spent the weekend trying to figure out a 4th grade science project. It was on the human brain. I'm not sure, but I think I ended up donating mine at the end there.

Seriously, I have got to learn the fast and easy route. We used foam, some plaster wrap that looked like we should be setting broken limbs, paint, twist ties, water, heavy duty wire, pipe cleaners, and a doll stand. It took ALL WEEKEND.

On the positive side, he told me (as DH was snoozing for four hours while we trudged our way through this project) that this was the best school project ever. Maybe he wanted to do a mini-brain for fun. Or donate his to the classroom as an example. Or -- and this is my favorite -- construct a skull to go around the brain, complete with blood and guts. I don't even want to know what he wants to use for blood and guts.

Well, gee. As long as he learned something.

Thankfully I have a few years before he can take Biology and wants to dissect frogs.

The Longest Yard

... is apparently the distance between DSS's practice field and the car.

Yeah, I get it. It's sports. They are good for you. It's football and the kids get to get dirty. Practices are for 90 minutes to 1 hour 3 nights a week, plus 2 hours on Saturday and games on every Sunday.

He's 10.

And soccer season barely started so we're doing that too. Naturally, DH's ex is busy. Right. Like she's any busier that two people working full time. She doesn't work. That said, many people would jump to her defense, saying being a stay-at-home mom is a full time job. True in many cases, just not hers.

You would not believe the hole I just bit in my tongue just now to stop where I did.

Comedian Emo Phillips has a joke I am immensely fond of. It's about his exwife having lessons with the devil on Tuesday nights. And he didn't know what else she could teach him.

Oh, did I just change the subject just then? Hmm ...