Shock and Awe

First, I very sincerely hope everyone had a Merry Christmas.

Ours went fairly well. My folks came up from Tennessee and went overboard, as usual. Sis #2 recuperated enough to join us Christmas Day after being hit with that nasty stomach bug going around. I really do think it was a pretty good Christmas.

One thing did stand out as odd. DH's ex did something nice.

I know. *gasp!* OMB! Who are you and what have you done with the ex! (Not that we necessarily want the old one back, but ...)

We got a call from DSS on Saturday asking if he could drop off something for us. After arriving within a reasonable length of time (again, *gasp!*), DSS gave us two gift bags of goodies, one for us and one for my parents. DSS had to run off again, so we were left staring at each other stupidly. DH's expression said it all: WTF?

He actually turned to me and asked, "So, do you think it's safe to eat?"

Sure enough, when we opened it, there were some pre-wrapped goodies, including the oreos dipped in vanilla almond bark that I so love. There were some homebaked cookies too. The gingerbread men were intact, not with their heads ripped off, or knives in their backs. No vile messages written in icing. No Ex-lax laced chocolate chip cookies.

It was actually a very nice thing.

And to top it all off, the bags said, "Peace on Earth and Goodwill to All."

Of course, you have to remember that DSS has half of DH's DNA and DH is nearly a saint as far as I am concerned. Just last week DSS went up to another kid at school to check to see if he was OK because he seemed upset. Of course, he got kicked in the nuts for his consideration, but still it was a nice thing to do. He thinks the world of my parents and I have no trouble believing that he was behind the entire production. It's the part where his mom actually drove across town to deliver them that I have a hard time believing.

(For those of you new to the saga, we are in the beginning stages of what will no doubt be a very ugly custody battle for DSS.)

So, like, wow. And Hmm. Sorry, but once bitten, twice shy. It's really too bad that our experiences in the past have given us reason to doubt her motives. But, for now anyway, I will chalk it up to the idea that DSS wanted to do something nice.

And as for a certain other person on my poop list, yes I took the high road and was civil. That does not mean I've forgiven and forgotten. Sorry, but when some idiot spreads rumors at work out of spite about one of the most sacred things in your life, you just don't roll over on it. At least I don't. On this, I won't. Some things are worth defending.

Mellencamp has a line in one of his songs that I think goes something like this:
You gotta stand for somethin'
Or you'll fall for anything.

Nothing but good times ahead

The last post will probably have to be removed at some point, so let me just say this: the meeting with the new lawyer went well. He listened, answered our questions, and gave us some unexpectedly good news. I think we'll keep him. And if the ex hated the last one we had, she's going to absolutely loathe this guy. The money issue is still a concern, but after talking with him, it sounds like he's going to be worth every penny. In this case, he's going to what needs to be done to someone with no respect for the rules.

In other news, apparently the ex might be getting married - again. This would be future Ex #3. Thank Bob she got herself fixed. I would have thought we would have been more down about the news. Usually adding a spouse causes a never ending stream of headaches on our end, but at least it's only one guy and not a never-ending stream of new boyfriends. Our step-son will have the adjusting to do. For some reason DH and I are caught between saying, "poor dumb bastard" and "let him burn." The reason for the last sentiment is that rumor has it the boyfriend is behind the ex's sudden interest in getting more child support and thinks she should get at least as much as he pays out for his kid in another state. Um, duh, but every state is different. What the you expect from a guy with horrible taste in shoes? I mean, I'm no fashion icon by a long shot, but even I went, "Man, those are some ugly shoes." Anyway, the boyfriend is starting to sound like a meddler. Should be interesting.

I'm slowly feeling better every day. My appetite is still off, but at least I'm on solid food again. My sinuses feel like someone filled them with lead, but that's a whole lot better than I've been feeling for the past month. Unless I move my head too fast. Then it's like, "Oooh, look at all the pretty colors. *Klunk*." I'm glad I'm doing as well as I am because I start the new part-time job tonight. We'll have to see how that goes.

So far, so good

I had an interview last night for the second job/part-time thing. Not a real biggie, just retail at the mall during Christmas, maybe longer. The interview went well, and with any luck, I scored well on the "personality" quiz. You know, the ones where it asks you to answer true or false as to whether or not you think it is OK to steal from your employer. I tend to over analyze, but I'm sure they don't want a psychological analysis over these answers. "Everybody steals." Well, I sure hope not since I don't really relish calling security every two minutes. But have most people walked off with someone else's pen at some point of their lives? I think so. That is technically stealing, though hardly worth spending twenty to life over.

See what I mean?

I think the store just wants to know whether or not I can be trusted with the cash drawer and not steal all our customer's credit card numbers.

Actually, my only fear is that The Ex will stop in to try and make things awkward. Nope, scratch that. Try living hell. I could really see her doing this. Oh, security ...?

The Ex Strikes Again - Dumb De Dumb Dumb

Gotta love it. DH's ex had her attorney send us a letter requesting financial info to re-evaluate child support. Under normal circumstances, the length of time since the last evaluation is long enough to consider this a reasonable request.

However, in the past 12 months, the child in question has been held back in school due to a lack of support at home, and has been diagnosed with what is basically pre-adolescent depression. Also, Child Protective Services have investigated her (not due to us) for neglect several times (nothing has stuck yet - neglect is extremely hard to prove) and a local agency has a case worker working with him in school and with the counselors. Added on top of this the number of times she's called and said, "He needs this," and we've taken care of it, it's frustrating, to say the least.

This fall, we single-handedly (well, DH and I) have taken care of soccer and football seasons with absolutely no help from her, financially, rides or otherwise. That's practices and games 6 days a week, plus equipment purchases and fees. And she only showed up to one game this last session. For her own child. Way to be there for him, mom.

And do you know why I think she's doing this now? She broke up with her latest sugar-daddy and Christmas is right around the corner. There is always a new boyfriend around Christmas who usually gets dumped shortly after. It never ceases to amaze me how easily she finds guy after guy after guy after guy willing to hand over money and his charge cards to her. I tell you, she is the best dressed welfare mom I've seen in a while. She's always going on trips too. We had our step-son over for Thanksgiving this year, which means the youngest brother was at his dad's too. Did she have a special family dinner for her and the older son (sadly, his dad is not in the picture)? Nope. She packed him off to a friend's house and went to Arkansas to make up with the last boyfriend.

So DH and I are busy trying to find a new attorney, to at least make sure we don't lose our shirts on this child support deal.

Sigh.

*** Warning! Venting in Progress - Again

Adventures in Parent Teacher Conferences

Ugh. Today is DSS’s first parent teacher conference of the year. Conferences, historically speaking, have never been dull. DH and I dated for four years before we finally tied the knot (two years of it was in planning the big day – another long story).

The first conference I was “eligible” to attend as a brand spanking new step-mom pretty much set the tone for the following years. Prior to the wedding we were informed that I was not welcome at parent teacher conferences as DSS was not my kid and I meant nothing to him. All righty then. As became her habit, DH’s ex did not inform us of the date or time and we had to contact the school. It wound up being two days away. DH needed more notice than that at work, so I got to go solo. And sit next to the ex. Yay me.

I arrive and wait. And wait. And wait. No ex. The teacher and I began without her. Come to find out, DSS did not attend school that day. Hmm. Interesting. What was fun was telling the ex that the new wife went to the conference and oh, by the way, hope what you were doing was important because there are serious matters we parents need to discuss. It turns out she let the kids play hooky and went to a big arts and crafts fair near here. Now, to her credit, DH’s ex has not missed a conference since, but she hasn’t exactly made it her highest priority to let us know when it is either. And that is a big no-no in the guidelines.

Ok. I’m back from the dreaded conference.

First and most importantly, DSS is doing fantastic over what he did last year (Fourth grade this year is a repeat). He is making all As, Bs and Cs. No Ds or Fs. That makes me very happy for him.

DH’s ex REALLY needs for her karma to kick in right about now. I had to peel DH off the ceiling so he didn’t say anything rash at the conference. With a sister who is a teacher, I have great sympathy for teachers this time of year. It is not their fault people are idiots.

First, to her credit, the ex actually arrived on time. Brought the latest boyfriend too (please see afore mentioned comment about my being “eligible” to attend a conference). Ok, maybe they were going somewhere afterwards. This guy seems like a decent guy so far. DSS tells us that he didn’t turn in his football equipment last night after DH spoke to the ex and she said she would take it over. This is the last week of football. DSS has not gone for the past week and a half due to homework, missed alarm clocks and general indifference. Explaining responsibility and how the team counts on each member is currently falling on deaf ears. We’ve been getting calls from the coach saying that if DSS isn’t going to play, he needs to turn in the equipment. Fine. Thought we had that taken care of. When asked why it wasn’t turned in, DSS said that he wasn’t allowed to ride his bike (hell-oo, the school is across a major highway) and his mom didn’t feel like going out.

Aaaurrrgh!

Then the conference is about to start and we have to sit nicely and act like we’re not going to lunge across the table and strangle the ex. Ok. Deep breaths. We can handle this.

Bottom line is, DSS is doing very well this year, but he still needs a lot of help to catch up to the others. The ex does her little “concerned mom show” that she pulls out every year where she says all the right things then never follows up with them. Believe me, she has it down pat. That’s how she gets away with as much as she does.

Then the boyfriend starts interjecting his two cents. Oh boy. Apparently he’s going to work with DSS on the weekends (um, the teacher just said she tries to not give homework on the weekends, plus we’ve had him EVERY weekend lately) and monitor his habits more closely. Excuse me, BUT THAT’S WHAT HIS MOTHER IS SUPPOSED TO BE DOING.

This guy has been in the kid’s life for not even two months. Granted, he seems like a nice guy and treats DSS pretty well so far. The ex is not exactly queen of the long-term commitment. She has three kids by three different guys. She’s had more sleepover buddies in the past two years than the number of students in my senior class. Forgive me if I don’t hold my breath to see if this guy works out through the holidays, let alone the school year.

I just wish these guys would quit making promises to DSS that DH and I know will be broken. Every time she breaks up with a guy, DSS loses someone he’s tried to bond with. And it’s heartbreaking.

Anyway, after about seven minutes, the ex is in an all fired hurry to get to the youngest son’s conference. They leave and now DH and I have what we’ve come to call Part 2 of the conference, where we have a more heart-to-heart with the teacher and we discuss possible plans to work with what we’ve got – namely an absent primary caregiver and a kid who needs help. That part went well too. The teacher is really on the ball and pretty quick to discover the difference between what is said and what is meant.

One more thing. I also wish the ex would show half as much attention to DSS as she does the other two kids. She bends over backwards to attend their sporting events, school programs, etc., but when it comes to DSS, her attitude is “well, his dad will do it.” In the past soccer and football seasons combined, she made it to two games. Together.

And that’s why I almost had to peel DH off the ceiling this afternoon. Obviously there was a reason he missed the psycho sign on her forehead when he married the ex, because DSS is a great kid. I just wish we were at a place where we could do more about it.

Hell called. They want their spawn back.

Hey, everybody! Wanna see the scorecard for my DSS's mom for the week? I knew you would!

(and it’s Wednesday):

DSS’s Mom:

• Forgot to wake him up in time for Saturday’s football practice
• Did not attend or call about DSS’s soccer game Saturday afternoon
• Missed over half of DSS’s football game on Sunday
• Gushed over new boyfriend instead of talking to DSS about his game afterwards
• Was “busy” after DSS’s football game and wanted DSS to stay an extra night with us on her weekend
• Was not awake Monday morning when I dropped him off for school and DSS and I waited in the rain for 30 minutes until we managed to wake her up.
• Had a “sleep-over buddy” Monday morning as evidenced by his vehicle in her driveway, parked in front of her vehicle
• Neglected to relay message that doctor appointment we were taking DSS to had been cancelled on Tuesday
• Is a boil on the butt of humanity and to moms everywhere

DSS: dear/darling step-son

DH: dear/darling husband

SOS: spawn of satan

Oh, and by the way, yes I tend to get snarky and sarcastic when seriously annoyed.

Deep breath. Ohm. Much better now, thank you.

The Longest Yard

... is apparently the distance between DSS's practice field and the car.

Yeah, I get it. It's sports. They are good for you. It's football and the kids get to get dirty. Practices are for 90 minutes to 1 hour 3 nights a week, plus 2 hours on Saturday and games on every Sunday.

He's 10.

And soccer season barely started so we're doing that too. Naturally, DH's ex is busy. Right. Like she's any busier that two people working full time. She doesn't work. That said, many people would jump to her defense, saying being a stay-at-home mom is a full time job. True in many cases, just not hers.

You would not believe the hole I just bit in my tongue just now to stop where I did.

Comedian Emo Phillips has a joke I am immensely fond of. It's about his exwife having lessons with the devil on Tuesday nights. And he didn't know what else she could teach him.

Oh, did I just change the subject just then? Hmm ...