(CMS, this is for you.)
Ok, so I'm reading this book that I can't even remember the title of and I keep getting distracted by my inner dialogue. Really. That is how little I am absorbed into this story.
First, it is a book I probably would not have picked out for myself. DH got it for me out of a free book bin. It was free. Enough said.
I thought I should probably give it a good shot. So this is how it went:
Hmm. An Indian crosses the desert. Almost sounds like a joke opening. A man walks into the bar and says ... ow! Tee-hee! Always cracks me up.
Ok. We have a snake. The snake is not doing anything. Why is he here? Maybe he'll bite the Indian ... no, still not doing anything. Why do we have the freakin' point of view of a snake in this story? On page two?
Oh, look. The page number says fifteen, but it is really page two of the story. I wonder if there are rules about this. Doesn't that mean that there are about ten blank pages padding the final page count? Are the pages at the end going to be counted too? I wonder if all books do this.
Hold on, maybe something is happening ... nope, still nothing. Oooh, as an added bonus, I now know the scientific name of the diamond back snake. WTH?
Back to the Indian. And back to the snake. And his snakey POV. *Sigh*
Well, it is third omniscient POV. Maybe snakey POV is allowed ... no, not really. I have a really bad feeling about this book.
Great. A western with a prostitute. Why did DH think I'd like this book?
Now don't be so hard on DH. He picked out a perfectly good book for you. He probably saw the words "By the Author of 'Bridges of Madison County'" on the cover and thought it might be a romance. Even if he did forget you hated that book.
Good. No more prostitute. Still not exactly sure what the Indian is doing running through the desert.
Hmm. Now there is a poker player. I wish I knew what was going on.
Ooooh! The smugglers just shot a cop for no reason! Something is happening ... and we're back to nothing again. Apparently they are just going to drive around the desert with the body in the trunk. *sigh*
Talk about your long nights. This book is taking forever. The poker player's mentor was just killed and I don't think my pulse even went up.
Hmm. This book is only one hundred and fifty-eight pages long. Seems a lot longer. Let's see if I can stick this out. Just to see if I can.
I really hope the book with the Titanic-like cover is better than this.
Or, I at least read it better than this. That's right. It's not the book. It's me.
Now I sound like I'm breaking up with the book. "I'm sorry, it's not you. It's me. We just want different things and should probably see other people ..."
***
I did warn you this was a scary place, right?
16 comments:
several laugh aloud moments, particularly the end when you broke up with the book.
Thanks Btuda, I appreciate the post
Cowboys and prostitutes and snakes oh my.
well, if you have cowboys and prostitutes, naturally you'll have snakes.
What? Oh, wrong snake. Sorry.
What do snakes think about?
Vibrations in the air. How big the thing is that is coming towards him in the dark. Whether or not to bite. You know, snakey stuff.
Stupid book.
Sounds like stuff that a prostitute could conceivable also think about. Are they related somehow?
Oh THANK YOU for putting that thought in my head. Geez and yikes.
BTW, I totally suck at Morse code. Don't worry if you and CMS were having a private conversation because I ended up with jibberish. Macgyver has nothing to worry about.
The Morse code translator was down when I tried to decode MCB's message. But Me said that "Hello, CMS," then "stuff, I meant stuff"
I said Hi Me. Very top secret stuff
Sorry about the images. Sometimes my brain just goes there. And it was so wide open...to me and my twisted brain, anyway.
It's OK. It's just that now everything I read is in the gutter.
*snort* I like that ... rather than dissing somebody's book, from now on I'll just say that we have no chemistry.
As a writer, I'd much rather hear that than that someone hated my book, WIP, or grocery list.
btuda is buying asparagus? Again?! Man, I am never reading her grocery list again.
hehheh..
Asparagus, you say?
Oh, yeah, I'll read it. (wink, nudge)
(I have no idea what that means. It's been that kind of a day.)
Don't worry. I can pretty much guaranty that asparagus will never be on my shopping list. Ever.
And you know someone, somewhere has their grocery list posted on their blog. I just hope it's never me (not Me - nope, never gets old).
Jenny posted hers last year on HWSW-the original. Was great because she couldn't just leave it as a list, had to make comments about most of the items, especially the spinach. That was the beginning of the e.coli outbreak and everyone was screaming at her not to buy the spinach. The drama,the excitement, the suspense and of course the HEA
Great post Btuda. What Was the name of that book? I might like to read it. Oh wait, I think I have.
Oh, I've read that one. Kind of.
Long Night, right? Yeah, got it. You poor thing!
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