Adventures in Parent Teacher Conferences
Ugh. Today is DSS’s first parent teacher conference of the year. Conferences, historically speaking, have never been dull. DH and I dated for four years before we finally tied the knot (two years of it was in planning the big day – another long story).
The first conference I was “eligible” to attend as a brand spanking new step-mom pretty much set the tone for the following years. Prior to the wedding we were informed that I was not welcome at parent teacher conferences as DSS was not my kid and I meant nothing to him. All righty then. As became her habit, DH’s ex did not inform us of the date or time and we had to contact the school. It wound up being two days away. DH needed more notice than that at work, so I got to go solo. And sit next to the ex. Yay me.
I arrive and wait. And wait. And wait. No ex. The teacher and I began without her. Come to find out, DSS did not attend school that day. Hmm. Interesting. What was fun was telling the ex that the new wife went to the conference and oh, by the way, hope what you were doing was important because there are serious matters we parents need to discuss. It turns out she let the kids play hooky and went to a big arts and crafts fair near here. Now, to her credit, DH’s ex has not missed a conference since, but she hasn’t exactly made it her highest priority to let us know when it is either. And that is a big no-no in the guidelines.
Ok. I’m back from the dreaded conference.
First and most importantly, DSS is doing fantastic over what he did last year (Fourth grade this year is a repeat). He is making all As, Bs and Cs. No Ds or Fs. That makes me very happy for him.
DH’s ex REALLY needs for her karma to kick in right about now. I had to peel DH off the ceiling so he didn’t say anything rash at the conference. With a sister who is a teacher, I have great sympathy for teachers this time of year. It is not their fault people are idiots.
First, to her credit, the ex actually arrived on time. Brought the latest boyfriend too (please see afore mentioned comment about my being “eligible” to attend a conference). Ok, maybe they were going somewhere afterwards. This guy seems like a decent guy so far. DSS tells us that he didn’t turn in his football equipment last night after DH spoke to the ex and she said she would take it over. This is the last week of football. DSS has not gone for the past week and a half due to homework, missed alarm clocks and general indifference. Explaining responsibility and how the team counts on each member is currently falling on deaf ears. We’ve been getting calls from the coach saying that if DSS isn’t going to play, he needs to turn in the equipment. Fine. Thought we had that taken care of. When asked why it wasn’t turned in, DSS said that he wasn’t allowed to ride his bike (hell-oo, the school is across a major highway) and his mom didn’t feel like going out.
Aaaurrrgh!
Then the conference is about to start and we have to sit nicely and act like we’re not going to lunge across the table and strangle the ex. Ok. Deep breaths. We can handle this.
Bottom line is, DSS is doing very well this year, but he still needs a lot of help to catch up to the others. The ex does her little “concerned mom show” that she pulls out every year where she says all the right things then never follows up with them. Believe me, she has it down pat. That’s how she gets away with as much as she does.
Then the boyfriend starts interjecting his two cents. Oh boy. Apparently he’s going to work with DSS on the weekends (um, the teacher just said she tries to not give homework on the weekends, plus we’ve had him EVERY weekend lately) and monitor his habits more closely. Excuse me, BUT THAT’S WHAT HIS MOTHER IS SUPPOSED TO BE DOING.
This guy has been in the kid’s life for not even two months. Granted, he seems like a nice guy and treats DSS pretty well so far. The ex is not exactly queen of the long-term commitment. She has three kids by three different guys. She’s had more sleepover buddies in the past two years than the number of students in my senior class. Forgive me if I don’t hold my breath to see if this guy works out through the holidays, let alone the school year.
I just wish these guys would quit making promises to DSS that DH and I know will be broken. Every time she breaks up with a guy, DSS loses someone he’s tried to bond with. And it’s heartbreaking.
Anyway, after about seven minutes, the ex is in an all fired hurry to get to the youngest son’s conference. They leave and now DH and I have what we’ve come to call Part 2 of the conference, where we have a more heart-to-heart with the teacher and we discuss possible plans to work with what we’ve got – namely an absent primary caregiver and a kid who needs help. That part went well too. The teacher is really on the ball and pretty quick to discover the difference between what is said and what is meant.
One more thing. I also wish the ex would show half as much attention to DSS as she does the other two kids. She bends over backwards to attend their sporting events, school programs, etc., but when it comes to DSS, her attitude is “well, his dad will do it.” In the past soccer and football seasons combined, she made it to two games. Together.
And that’s why I almost had to peel DH off the ceiling this afternoon. Obviously there was a reason he missed the psycho sign on her forehead when he married the ex, because DSS is a great kid. I just wish we were at a place where we could do more about it.
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