We had an absolutely gorgeous weekend over here. I helped a friend move and we were able to do all the up and down the stairs of her old apartment before 10:00 AM when it was still cool out. So nice. Of course, I really couldn't move the next day and I'm struggling to stay conscious today, but that is to be expected.
I received a new catalog in the mail the other day and I noticed that it had a section of "relaxation tapes", which reminded me of a phase my college roommate and I went through in school.
One weekend, probably around midterms, we decided to give those relaxation tapes a try. She bought "The Rainforest" while I bought "Thunderstorm." Being college students we were notoriously cheap, and if there is one thing I learned from the experience, you cannot go cheap on a relaxation tape.
We decided to listen to "Thunderstorm" together as we were studying in the living room.
(A gentle rain falls.)
Me: This is nice.
Her: I love storms.
(A crack of thunder.)
Me: See? Nice and relaxing.
Her: I hope I don't fall asleep. I have to study for this Psychology exam for tomorrow.
(Another crack of thunder.)
Me: Whoa. That was ... a little loud.
Her: You think?
(The wind picks up.)
Her: What is that?
Me: Why are there howler monkeys in the thunderstorm?
(More thunder and wind.)
Me: Good grief.
Her: Should I be calling Auntie Em?
Me: I thought this was supposed to be relaxing.
(The howling wind is now deafening. There are a series of loud crashes coming from the tape.)
Her: Let me see that tape case.
Me: Why?
Her: This is no thunderstorm. This is a freakin' tornado!
(A siren begins to wail.)
Her: We are going to die!
Me: Head for the basement!
Her: Tell my mom I love her!
(Tires squeal. Metal crunches.)
Me: What was that?
Her: I think a storm chaser just bit the dust. The idiot.
(More wind, and ominous thumping.)
Me: I think it just ate Kansas.
Her: Auntie Em! Auntie Em! Save yourself!
(Other roommate walks in.)
Other roomie: What is going on in here?
Me: Get down! You've got to get to the safe place! The tornado is going to eat us alive!
Other roomie: What are you talking about? The sun is shining!
Me: That's what it wants you to think! It's coming to get us!
Other roomie: For the love of pete ... what is that racket? Turn down the stereo!
Stereo? Oops.
The next day I asked her how her rainforest tape was. She said she wanted to shoot the damn birds after about three minutes and to not even get her started on the "Oo ee ah Ah AH!" thing every fifteen seconds.
So remember, kids: Don't go cheap on the relaxation tapes.
4 comments:
It's been bugging me for months. You know who you remind me of? Katie MacAlister. Have you read her? Your voices are very similar. Omigosh! You are Katie MacAlister. What's it like to have a pet demon?
Btuda wrote "Men In Kilts"? I knew I liked you.
Cool! My sister is the one who told me about Katie MacAlister. Maybe she was trying to tell me something ...
Of course, there were days when she was the demon in my life ...
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